“A beginning is only the start of a journey to another beginning.”

I've been spending a lot of time thinking about college lately. You all know that last time that I began something hugely new in life. The last time it was my goal to reinvent myself and discover how I would function in a new world with new people all with like minds. While my graduation had a similar feel, I knew people in New York I already had a home, at Hofstra, I knew no one.

When I got to college I discovered that while we are all of like mind it’s the nuances that make us the best of friends. I think of how far we have all come in the past six and a half years. How many of us were so sure we wanted to be actors live in New York and how many of us are. Those of us who have decided that they’d rather live upstate, or design beautiful things, or write, or direct, or stage-manage, or run away and join the circus, and those of us who really truly want to act. We have all given ourselves the freedom to discover what we really want. There is such power in that. Life is short, yes, but it is also so long—so full of twists, turns, adventures, and new beginnings.

A few of the cast!

It makes me wonder about the people I’m meeting now. About the life I’m beginning now. How will our lives interact and intertwine in the future. It seems that everyone I work with knows each other from some place or another. I can’t wait until I come back next year and we have all worked on some other project together. We’ll hopefully have that same kinship, but we’ll have greater skills to share.

Our teacher, Dave, and I

So Monday we went to Trapeze High and swung on their rig there. It’s the first time I’ve ever been on a rig that isn’t at the Warehouse and I don’t like it. Mostly I don’t like their trapeze bar it’s to light and too thick I couldn’t get a good grip on it. There’s nothing wrong with it, it’s just different from what I’m used to and it really threw me off. I threw a few 1½s, the net was so low that they turned into double layouts. Which means I clearly didn’t have enough height to catch them but it still worked. I did some turnarounds too but they’re just funky. It was a good two days.

I still can’t get over the talent that’s here. These people are amazing.  The second day Trevor was on the trapeze he threw a beautiful double pike. Alex has only worked on the Trapeze for five months and has a triple.  It’s so inspiring.

Me, rocking the pole

I finally had a chance to hang out on the net Wednesday. Elizabeth, Elaine and I have spent the past few days messing around and that’s been really great. We’ve put together a semi-routine and it includes a press up handstand, which I’m so excited about. We’re basically going to put together a series of things that we like that look good and when the choreographer comes she’ll look at what we have and see what she likes. My skills on the Chinese Pole have tripled. Apparently in years past the ladies have been a bit shy about learning extra pole skills, but we're all about it. We're going to be three BAMFs by the end of this. Hopefully they'll let us have a chance at playing in the center poles. 

We've been given two wetsuits. Our primary wetsuits are nude colored so we can wear them under our costumes if we want to. It's funny because we always look like we're kinda naked.

I've also spent tons of time with my dad, my brother and his girlfriend this week. We've eaten at beautiful places and really enjoyed discovering the city. 

Random Job Perk: Meeting Jack Hanna

The thing that I will most remember from this week in my life is that everything is possible.  The world of skill is so much bigger than I thought. The physical language is so much more elaborate that I thought and I can’t wait to use it in my fusion!

"Throw your heart over the bars and your body will follow." - Bob Mathias

I'm ready to throw my heart over the bar, on a pole and into the bay!

Outside of My New Place

So, Lots and Lots has happened since my last post.  I've gotten more settled into my new place, all that's missing is my bed! The biggest news is I’ve had my first training day. Now that was a blast.  Friday was a collage of a few of the fun things that I'll get a chance to play with this summer. Swimming, and poles and wetsuits, Oh my!

We started the day with a light jog and a yoga like stretching session. I was happy to discover that my splits were back in action.  The warm weather has been very nice to my body, I’ve found that most of my aches and pains that have been bothering me over the past month or so feel pretty good.  After we were sufficiently warmed up, we played on the Chinese Poles for a while. Now that was absolutely awesome. All of the women they cast this year have had at least a bit of experience with the poles, so when it came time to learn things we were rocking it right from the start. We “learned” climbs and three of the major poses that will be used in the production. All of which aren’t all that difficult. I ended up having a little trouble with the third but they’ll be awesome come showtime. Unfortunately women haven’t typically been choreographed to do any of the cool pole moves, but the ladies and I are hoping to change that this summer. All of us are strong enough and we’re all definitely interested. 

We finished our morning workout at about 12:30, and went to our lunch brake. I had the salmon they served at the employee café. It’s delicious. Slightly overcooked but a good source of fish protein, and good to eat as a mid-day meal.

Our Set! 

After lunch we started water training. Almost everyone jumped into the water by doing a backflip off of the Poles into the water. I didn’t... yet... but I will before the end of the summer. We then went to the barge in the middle of the stadium and the men proceeded to play around. They threw awesome tricks, it was like watching a free gymnastics show. Everyone here is really talented and definitely willing to share the information that they have. While I couldn’t participate in their tumbling competition two of the guys helped me work on my standing back tuck. It’s getting better and I’ll have it solid by the end of the summer.

We then proceeded to do the swimming portion of the day’s workout. I’m not that strong of a swimmer so it was an adventure, but I made my way through it and I felt way strong when it was over.  At the end of the day I was beat. It made a day at the Warehouse feel like child’s play. I can’t wait to see what happens this week. It’s going to be insane but absolutely amazing.

Friday night I was supposed to go hang out with some of my cast mates, but I got home and passed out. I couldn’t get myself out of bed after 8 and ended up crashing. It was my body’s way of telling me that it’s had enough. I slept really well and got up early enough to enjoy brunch with my new friend Elaine. She’s also going to be working on the nets with me this summer. 

After brunch with Elaine I went to Aerial Revolutions,  it’s an aerial studio here in San Diego. I met up with two of my cast mates, Elizabeth and Trevor, and did a skills exchange. I learned 15 new things in an hour and a half and I’ve registered to take an acrobalancing class on Monday night. The classes are so cheap here. It only costs $10 to work out and $150/month for unlimited classes.  I was worried I wouldn’t be able to afford training here, but I think it’ll be just fine.

I met up with Garland, Jennifer and Cooper for a delightful evening. We went to Sprinkles cupcakes. Jen and I enjoyed a Red Velvet cupcake that was absolutely amazing, and Garland had a Dark Chocolate one. The Red Velvet was clearly the winner. It might have been the best cupcake I’ve ever had.  

Both of our cupcakes

        

Jen, Cooper and G!

Jen and I enjoying our Red Velvet

The biggest adventure of the night came when Serenity—I’ve officially named my car—couldn’t get up one of the hills near where my friend lives. It was just shy of 90 degrees it looked impossible to go up and I’m just not good enough at driving a stick to get Serenity to move like that so I just gave up and went around the long way.  Note to self, work on the transitions as in going from to gear to gear.

Our Beautiful Breakfast!

Today I met up with Dennis, Kyle and Alex and had brunch. We made pancakes, sausage and a mushroom and onion scramble. The oven wasn't working and I fixed it by light the pilot light. Breakfast was delicious. Dennis, Ben and I decided to try to move my mattress on the top of Ben’s truck.  We then decided against it. It just didn’t seem like the best idea. So my brother, his roommate and his girlfriend are going to move it for me tomorrow. Hopefully they’ll also put together my Ikea furniture too. My brother is just awesome like that!

Tonight is just for relaxing. Watching the Red Sox kick Yankee butt and resting before my dad comes to visit!

I get to fly on a new rig tomorrow, I'm throwing my heart over a new bar, I hope it's as great to me as the one at the Warehouse.  Wish me luck!

Nothing is secure but life, transition, the energizing spirit.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

I'm finding nothing in my life feels "secure" at the moment. I'm excited, don't get me wrong, but everything is happening so fast that I'm having trouble getting and keeping my bearings. That and I think I'm a little home sick for New York. My brother being here has been awesome and It's getting better quick, but it's still a rush of blood to the head.

I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted. I’ve just been living in a crazy whirlwind of a life the past few days. This post is going to be a long one. Bear with  me.

On Friday Ken and I decided that we’d spend the day in Nassau. We left the hotel at 9am and took the number 10 bus downtown. As we were riding the bus we ended up stuck behind a parade. So we got out and decided to watch. It was a parade for autism awareness and it was fantastic. There were dancers, and two bands and whole mess of people walking in support. I don’t know if it makes me ignorant to say this, but it was nice to see that even in smaller communities there was a strong movement for autism. Everyone was happy the music was great.

As we got closer to downtown the crowd started to thin out and I managed to find a sunglasses shop that had a pair of $10 shades. It’s tradition for me, whenever I go on any sort of vacation I need to find a pair of sunglasses for 10 bucks. Mostly because I lose sunglasses so often it doesn’t make sense to spend any money on them, but I also enjoy the challenge of looking. I ended up spending some time in Port Lucya looking for a pair and the ladies wouldn’t meet me at my price point. It was probably for the beter because the ones I have now are super cute.

We ended up finding a cute place for breakfast. It was the first hot breakfast that I’d had since I’d left and it was so great. The grits were truly southern—yellow and buttery—the bacon was thick and the eggs soft scrambled. The company was also fantastic. It was great to spend a day with Ken. We ended up goofing around the whole time. We were together 6 hours and we were never bored.

 

After I found my sunglasses we had a chance to walk around. The architecture and the flowers are so beautiful. And there’s so much public art everywhere. I ended up taking mountains of photographs.  There were also lots of fun things for Ken and I to do circus things on. He’s amazing.

One of the hardest problems I have when traveling is finding the right souvenirs. I rarely actually succeed. I ended up following Ken’s lead and getting a cigar for my boyfriend. Ken spent about half an hour talking to these gentleman about the cigars he ended up buying. I figured after he did all of the work all I had to do was buy the same ones he did. I think Robert will enjoy them.

We finished our afternoon together going to Nassau’s version of a fish fry. It’s very different from the one we went to in Freeport. It’s more like a strip mall of food stands. Half of them have places to sit, others don’t. We ended up eating at one with colorful benches. I decided to try conch fritters. They weren’t anything special. And after a week of eating crap it was just hard to stomach. I had some steamed broccoli and cauliflower as well. That was fantastic. The service was truly Bahamian… relaxed we’ll say.

After lunch Ken and I went back to the hotel. I hung out at the beach for a while—I wanted to make sure my burn settled in. We also had a show that night.  It was a great close to my first tour. The craziest thing happened on the way home, though. It was a Beer Festival in Nassau and when we were leaving the festival was just ending. We were on a bus and the people in the streets were just riotous—throwing beer cans at the bus and everything. The traffic was so bad It took us about an hour to get home when it only should have taken us 15mins.

That night Matt, Ken, Sego, a few of the others and I went and had a late night soak in the hot tub. It was the perfect end to the week.

Then my life got crazy. We left Nassau at noon and we had a lay over in D.C. The 4pm flight we were all supposed to be on was cancelled, and they had room on the 3pm flight. I had no bags checked so I hopped on and ended up getting home by 3:45. Seriously. It must have been the quickest flight I have ever been on.  I got home and had a chance to spend some quality time with my awesome boyfriend, dog and cat.

Monday morning I was surprised by how much stuff I still had to take care of. I had to do laundry from the Bahamas trip. Re-print and sign my lease (trying to do that while out of the country was impossible and ridiculously expensive, I dread seeing my cell phone bill) I had to arrange my car insurance and re-pack making sure to have all of my important documents secured. It was crazy. I was almost late for my flight because I had so much to do.

The trip to San Jose was easy and uneventful. I tried to sleep on the plane. That didn’t work. So I stayed awake and watched House Hunters: International for six hours and forty minutes. Boring and supremely uncomfortable. When I arrived at the airport the delightful Donald (Anne Louise’s dad) was there to pick me up in my used-new car. It’s fantastic. It’s a little purple Nissan. It’s manual, from 1996, tiny and absolutely perfect.  I haven’t named her yet. Tuesday was also a crash course in life with a car. Gas…. You need it. (not too often, my little car’s tank lasts a while) LA traffic sucks…. Like really really sucks.  And don’t drive when you’re tired. (I had three LARGE cups of coffee all day) I’m better at driving a stick than I expected.  I’ve only stalled it three times.

Anne Louise, Lisa, and Donald were ridiculously generous. I they gave me so many things to get myself started in my apt. bedding, a little coffee maker, towels, a toaster oven, random bathroom supplies. It was amazing to know that so many things were taken care of as I was moving.

I went to my brother’s place when I drove in Tuesday. I'm so grateful the my brother lives in town. I've found that I'm most shocked by the lonliness that i've felt. This is the first time in my life I've made a big move and had very little family waiting for me on the other side. I didn't realize how it would hit me until I got going. It's hit hard, and I'm so happy that my brother is here. He's been amazing thorough this move. He deserved extra props for that. He's letting me crash at his place while I get mine settled.  Here's a picture of us from my last visit. Aren't we just adorable... and humble.

My bed is actually here and until my dad gets here, with the SUV I'm hoping he rents, it's going to stay here. For now I’m enjoying  the couch. I love my new place. It’s way bigger than I expected. It has it’s “charming” qualities. But it’s good for a first place in a new city. I went to target today to continue furnishing my apt. Here’s a picture of my bathroom. It’s turquoise and delightful. 

Now for the fun stuff about work. The real big thing is there isn’t all that much fun stuck to talk about. The first day it was all orientation. We got our uniforms and were briefed on corporate policies. Yet again I’m stuck in men’s clothing. Everything aside from the bringht pink swimsuit and sized and cut for the male form. It’s all comfy though, and SeaWorld launders everything for me so I’m not complaining.  Actually they take care of absolutely all of the necessities. In addition to my regular uniform, I have two wet suits, chineese pole shoes, towels, sunscreen, a swimsuit, shampoo, conditioner lotion, a chorus of other amenities. Free coffee. With french vanilla creamer. And really-really cheap food. Yesterday for lunch I had a grilled chicken sandwich, a side if peas and an orange and it’s cost me $3.25. Wow. Bottles of water are $0.79 if you choose to buy them but they have free stuff for us already.

Everyone is so nice here I don’t quite know what to do with myself. Everyone is all about helping. There are a bunch of hires from years previous, and they’re all about showing us  newbies the ropes.  The energy and the vibe is perfect for creating a fun creative environment. 

Today we had water emergency training. That was an adventure. The bay is cold. Very Very very cold. But the Shamu wetsuits really keep you afloat. I found myself treading water vigorously for a while until I realized that I could just relax. The suit itself is buoyant. Then we had our CPR training. I am now officially certified to help in case someone needs to be rescued out of the water or they're having any cardiac/respiratory problems. 30/2/5

Tomorrow is our first day of training, a transition I'm really ready for!  Wish me luck. I'll try to have some Cirque photos up as soon as I get a chance. 

"Keep the circus going inside you, keep it going, don't take anything too seriously, it'll all work out in the end" --David Niven

I was wrong, we ended up staying in Freeport for two more days. I just wanted to keep the circus going and going and going. Wednesday was my blessed day off! While I’d spent an hour here and there at the beach it was the first time we have just to hang out in the sun all day. I woke up at about 8 and thought I’d go for a run. Yeah, that didn’t work. Sego and I just put on our bikinis and went and hung out until noon when Jaimane came by to pick us up.

We went to all of the tourist haunts. The International Bazar, Port Lucaya, and a Fish Fry. The international bazar was built 15 years ago as a way to represent diversity on Grand Bahama. For a while it was a very popular place to go, but when the hurricanes hit in the early 2000’s the majority of the shops were destroyed. The few that were open were a fun blend, selling random touristy things and cute boutique items.  Both the Bazar and Port Lucaya have straw-markets. The fun of a straw-market is in bargaining. I purchased a sarong for $15 dollars—the original price was $25. It's neon pink and absolutely beautiful.

I’m totally sunburnt! I always use baby oil as lotion and when doing that in the Bahamas you’re guaranteed a beautiful burn. Hopefully It’ll turn into a gorgeous tan and I can feel all vacationed and toasty. Right now, however, I feel just a little tight in the skin. Sego is burnt too! Everyone thinks we're sisters and now we have burns to match!

I’d also like to talk about Jaimane! He’s our absolutely amazing tour-guide of sorts. He’s made sure that we all have groceries and rides everywhere we have to go.  He’s delightful and full of stories. He was the first person we met off of the plane and he told us all about the over 700 islands that make up the Bahamas. Only 38 of them are inhabited. And most of those are “oat-islands” that are used primarily for farming. Freeport is the most organized of the Bahamian islands, but Nassau is by far the most,  “fun.” It’s apparently full of restaurants and life and more city like things. 

Religion is a very important part of Bahamian life. Christianity is clearly the dominant religious energy. Every show starts with The Lords Prayer the recitation of their pledge of allegiance and the singing of their national anthem.  Many of the local businesses and cars have crosses or various other religious iconography.  In fact there’s a man named Frank who owns most of the ice-cream businesses in Freeport who has a Bible exam every year. He gives five children who memorize the whole bible a free lap-top or car.

It’s also been harder than expected to find healthy food. Traditionally Bahamian cuisine is dominated by carbohydrates and fried food (conch fritters, lobster bits and fried fish). Asking for a side salad or something similar has garnered delighted responses. Wednesday night for dinner we went to a “Fish Fry” a common place for locals to hang out on a Wednesday night. I asked for a veggie for a side and the only thing they had was fried plantains. It was really delicious, my body was just craving something green. We discovered conch salad. It’s essentially cracked conch ceviche—light and refreshing.  I also had a Chicken Roti Wednesday that was excellent. The spices were bright and delicious.

I’m also trying to spend as little money on food as possible. We're staying in resorts and tourist centric areas, so food is really expensive. Either eat at a restaurant and spend 20 for something simple, or go grocery shopping. Sego and I have been very resourceful with fresh fruit and veggies that we purchased at the local grocery store. (Which closes at noon on Sundays because it’s the Lords day) Sego and I have also become also masters of the tin-can dinners. My newest delicious light-food discovery is tuna with corn, green beans, dried cranberries and sliced almonds. Sounds weird, I know, but it’s good for a late night dinner without being heavy. I’ve had more peanut butter sandwiches and eggs in the past few days than I have in a while. It’s good to know that I can eat without spending a lot of more and still get what nutrition I need to function at work.

Se yesterday was absolutely nuts. We had to be up at 5:30am in order to be picked up at 6 (USA time J)  We then took a 7 am flight. We were at the venue at 8am. Had to check rigging, and had a show at 11am. Now, I’m no stranger to being tired, but yesterday was a trip. Not the best performance despite our greatest efforts. It was okay, but after the amazing audience we had on Tuesday afternoon, Wednesday was definitely a different world. I'm looking forward to performing tonight when we have more elaborate lighting.

Our transportation situation is random and changes after every show. Sometimes we're in van's or buses. In the Bahamas people drive on the left side of the road, but half of cars have the steering wheels on the right of the car. Talk about confusing, that has taken some getting used to. This morning's show went really well and we had all afternoon off. This picture is from the van ride to the Sheraton Resort we're staying at.  I'll tell you  more about Nassau later! After an afternoon of relaxing on the beach I'm going to keep the circus going inside of me and enjoy putting on another show!

The View From our Second Hotel 

"Time is a circus, always packing up and moving away.” Ben Hecht

The view from our room!

I am officially on the road again. Or should I say in the air. I’ve started my Tour-de-Circus 2011 and I’m ecstatic. Yes, I cannot believe I’m being paid to play in the air and then sit on the beach. I’d do it for free. I’m staying at the Island Sea Resort in Freeport. It’s about 10 minutes away from the first venue we’re performing in. It’s the converted St. Georges High gymnasium.

Working on this show has been offered me a steep learning curve.

As an actor I have spent years mastering the fourth wall limbo: pretending that an audience isn’t there while also giving them my energy, that and focusing on my scene partner(s). I have re-discovered how beautiful it feels to break the fourth wall and reveling in energy with no bounds. The audiences we’ve been performing for are primarily kids. So they’re extremely excited by absolutely everything that we do. They are the perfectly receptive audience for my first production.

Rigging has been a delightful adventure.  A rigger is the person who actually hangs our silks from the ceiling. Using a combination of skill, creativity and bravery a rigger braves the heights and secures various apparatus to the ceilings. Thank goodness for Gino Farfan.  Harmony, Sego and I all are so grateful he’s here to figure out how we’re supposed to stay high in the sky and completely safe. That's Gino in the air!

Sego and I have had to make some changes to our act to accommodate our rigging situation. We’re about five feet closer that we expected.  As a result all of the fun spinning and running in circles at the start of our act had to be cut but it’s ok. We’ve been told by other performers that our act still looks fun and the kids screams are proof that they’re having a blast. This photo is from right after out first show!




I forgot my warm-ups. Clothing as well as toys to make the process easier. I made sure to pack our costumes as well as rosin to make sure that our hands don’t slip on the silks, but what I completely forgot are the things that I’ve been taking for granted at the warehouse for the past six months. Foam Rollers, Thera-bands, lacrosse balls and the like. I will never forget them again. Thank goodness for the seasoned performers who brought plenty of tools and are generous enough to share with me.  I also realize I need to warm up for a really long time. When you work out for seven hours a day you’re kind of in a constant state of semi-warm. Well when you really only work for 15 minutes a day it’s hard to get warm and stay warm.  

It’s a completely different time zone here. Not literally, but it’s like CPT on crack. If you’re told that you have to be somewhere at 7, don’t worry about arriving until 7:30 or else you’ll be hanging around waiting for people forever.  This relaxed attitude has done two things: 

1) Enraged the New Yorker in me that is obsessed with being timely and organized.

2) Re-lit a spark in me of a person who actually knows how to relax. You really can’t be stressed here, because there is no point. You get there when you get there.  That may be the most valuable lesson I will be taking from this place.

The other acts are really great. I already knew the amazing hand to hand act KENiMATTix (also life savers on this trip). I’ve met my first contortionist and am fascinated watching her warming up. She sits on her head. Literally sits on her head. I’m even more dumbstruck by the Handbalancer, Ricardo Sosa. He’s a contortionist as well, he can do some very interesting things I’m terrified every time he does his act. It hurts me just watching. I've posted a photograph of him because I am truly amazed at the way he bends his body... 

Photo Credit

By the way he keeps going and going and going…  he can keep lifting his leg until it looks like he’s standing bent over.

Random side note: there’s a woman performing on the swinging trapeze named Harmony French. She’s been a part of Cirque De La Mer in past seasons, so she’s offered me plenty of advice about what to expect and how to prepare for my adventures… as well as a place to crash on my first night in San Diego.

I am aware that I am merely at the beginning of a long and Oz-like journey. I am delighted to say that I have completed my first professional aerial shows and they felt good. Really… really good. I feel proud of myself and ready for more. Tomorrow we pack up and move away to Nassau!

“We learn to fly not by becoming fearless, but by the daily practice of courage” -Sam Keen

If you had asked me in July of this past year if I was even remotely acrobatic, I would have said, "No." I was a 24 year-old actor/dancer/performer who moonlighted as a server. Like many actors I was looking for something that would give me an edge and came by the Circus Warehouse in Long Island City to take a class. Well, I had so much fun I decided to run away and join the circus - literally

As a professional actor and dancer I was no stranger to hard work. Well, being an aerialist completely redefined, “hard work”.  There were at least 25 hours a week of training: sweat, cramps, pulls, callouses, rips and pure unadulterated exhaustion coupled with an exhilarating sense of happiness, triumph, strength and overwhelming personal accomplishment. Oh yeah, and my day job serving for 20-35 hours a week. 

Believe me, it’s just as fun as it looks and not nearly as easy. Aerialists spend their days accomplishing the seemingly impossible. We prove that limitations such as gravity mean little. The power in that is irreplaceable.

The circus is a daily practice of patience. We practice the same trick for months until we can land it, drop it or catch it flawlessly. Even when we don’t it’s the work, the process and the eventual performance, whatever shape it takes, that counts. I have learned that in the circus as in life, you are always caught in the act and never quite done.

For every trick completed correctly there are countless more we can work on—countless movements that have yet to be discovered. True artistry comes form learning all of the rules and then having a blast breaking them.

It’s about pride, humility and courage; the courage to let go, and to take a brake if you’re injured. It’s about the humility it takes to ask for a spot when you need it to look like a fool discovering something new.  It’s about giving yourself permission to stand be proud and take your bow.

So I’ve decided to practice a little pride, humility and courage of my own. I’m going to start my aerial career performing in the Bahamas and then I’m moving across the country to perform as an aerialist at the Cirque de La Mer Show at SeaWorld in San Diego. 

Join me on my adventure as I practice a little courage every day and discover my world in the circus.